i want to go to bed i want to scream i want to slice my skin open and wipe the blood on my forehead i want to dunk my fingers into a bucket of ice and grab fistfuls of cubes and pour them down my neck i want to sit in a boiling room and burn my skin off and have the dirt seep out of every pore in my body i want to rip some fabric apart or drag a fork across my cheek or punch some drywall until the dust crumbles down my arm i want to rip the scabs off my hands and watch the blood bubble to the fleshy surface underneath i want to grab somebody so tightly that i melt into them like a candlestick and i dont want to let go for hours and hours and hours i want to run my fingers through the grass and pull the blades from their roots and i want to dig my fingers into the dirt underneath until it cakes the undersides of my nails i want to take a piece of rusty metal and trace it against a brick wall i want to squish something between my hands so tightly it explodes i want to rake a knife through my hair until my scalp starts burning i want to snap a rubber band against my arm until i sever my hand from my wrist and i want to throw a rock through a glass window and have the shards explode and pierce my eyeballs im so fuckkng much right now it is so fucking much i need to stop it doesnt stop i cant do it i cant do it i cant fucking ever ever do it and it is impossible to comprehend how to live with this burning stimulation