i cant do it. i cant do it i cant keep doing this i need to leave i need to get out of here there is nothing about this i understand none of this is making sense to me too fast its all going too fucking fast for me to keep up with i dont know how to keep up i dont know how ive made it this far i dont know how to keep going i dont know how im going to keep forcing myself to keep going. to get up and fall down and get up and fall down and scrape my elbows and bruise my knees and scratch my arms and cut my wrists and keep going and going and going until i die. until i am nothing and i have nothing left and ive sliced myself up past the point of recognition and this blob of flesh that still walks the earth finally stops pulsing.

how do i keep going. how do i keep going.

i feel myself slowly slipping through the fingers of the people i love. did you let me go prematurely so you wouldnt have to deal with the consequences? with my vicious thrashing and my uncontrollable movements and my animalistic screeches and blood-caked nails and my psychotic words and my delusional brain and my fragmented paranoid sick vision of the world? youre protecting yourself because you knew this was going to happen and you didnt wanna be here to see it. you left before you could watch me destroy myself right in front of you. and now it is happening. it is finally happening. and im glad youre not here to watch.