there's so much in my head i can't pull apart anymore. so many thoughts, all weeds rooted deep in the soil, too deep to dredge out, so stuck where they are that i'll never be rid of them. so many feelings i can't put words to that wrap themselves around me and tie me to my bed. i don't know my dances, i don't clean my room, i don't wash my clothes, i don't let myself eat, i don't talk to my friends, i don't submit assignments, i don't go to class, i don't go to therapy. i clench my fists, i scratch my hands, i cut my arms and i cry and cry in the library, in lectures, on walks and benches, in cars, on the bus, right in front of people that don't know how to help me. the only friend i have in any of my classes right now thinks i'm kidding. nobody takes me seriously. nobody gives a fuck that i'm seconds from death. nobody should.