i used to write because it felt like somebody was listening. even in my journal and things nobody could see, it was like the pages had eyes, like as long as i got the words down somewhere, somebody was listening. now i'm losing hope. i don't bother writing because i know i have no one.

i went to the wrong side of campus for my exam today. i had no one left to tell me otherwise. when i stumbled in 10 minutes late, mascara-stained and winded, you didn't notice. you didn't notice when the only empty spot was one row back and two seats to the left of you. when the ta handed you the sign-in sheet, and the pen stroke of your signature crossed mine. i'm looking for any reason to connect to you. i'm convincing myself that if you saw me, you'd start listening again. my life would begin again. all the pain would mean something. but words can't make me visible to you. my words are dead ends. nobody's looking.

when i hurt, do you feel it? do you know what it's like to miss you?