sun apr 24
12:05 pm
every morning i wake up and want to kill myself
12:11 pm
i could die i could just die
12:41 pm
I COULD DIE IC OULD JUST ACTUALLY DIE
2:22 pm
ha ha ha
3:48 pm
no you know what. i dont even think im even comfortable letting him back into my life. or letting myself be a part of his. i am destructive. i care about him too much to cause him any more pain.
mon apr 25
2:06 am
holy shit i want myself dead
i want myself dead so badly
2:22 am
]
there are no words in the english language to desrcfibe how much i want myself dead
im crazy
im crazy
im crazy i am fucking crazy there is something wrong with me. something very deeply wrong with my brain
2:27 am
he unfollowed me
2:45 am
every day i lose a little piece of you and i feel a little piece of myself die
3:25 am
he unfollowed me.
3:33 am
i should kill myself
3:40 am
i do not want to speak anymore
or to be of any influence to the world
i dont want to think or be really
or act
i want to still
breathlessly
and cease
my actions bring chaos
my words bring pain
my existence brings burden and indistinguishable complexity
i dont want it
i dont want this life
i dont know what to do with it
i hold it in my hands and quiver
what do i do with this
what do i do
3:59 am
i am broken
goodnight
we'll talk in the morning
4:02 am
shit.
i really really hate myself.
4:54 am
help
4:56 am
i used to feel warm in your presence
but now
it is cold
to exist in your awareness
i feel seen,
dissected
every glance
is a shiver
5:03 am
i could stop breathing. it would be okay
8:45 am
dizzy
11:30 am
hating myself
every morning waking up and hating myself
12:27 pm
hes allowed to do all these things
hes allowed to make playlists, and unfollow you, and feel negative things right now
you on the other hand. you should be shutting up. you should not be reacting at all.
4:44 pm
uhm
11:11 pm
make a wish
fuck
shit
im taking my wall down right now
holding pictures of you in my hands
i wish i could look at these and feel pure joy
without this bitter feeling tacked on
tues apr 26
12:41 am
exam tomorrow
bit numb
12:44 am
i am so sad omg fuck
i am really sad
12:57 am
one more week.
one more week.
10:09 am
im going to pee myself
11:11 pm
ELEVEN ELEVEN I WISH I WAS DEAD I WISH I WAS LYING IN A DITCH ROTTING AWAY
wed apr 27
1:14 pm
friends want to get sushi
guess ill kill myself
3:21 pm
shower thought i deserve to be lonely
i cant keep doing this. i cant. next week the summer semester starts and i cant.do it.
i cant do it anymore.
thurs apr 28
12:34 am
did not accomplish much today
12:12 pm
would i sell it all for an old little flame
ya i would
2:22 pm
шаит то ье
2:41 pm
this is where it ends.
8:06 pm
ok so im literally just insane. so thats it so im just fucking insane
TRUE! TRUE
fri apr 29
1:27 am
he's never going to forgive you
don't you see that yet
you need to accept this thing you've done
you are at fault here
there's no turning back
this is permanently over
all you can do is just
not do it again
sat apr 30
2:22 pm
am i heartless