i haven’t slept yet. learned a whole course in a single night. how insane! nobody cares. i wish i wasn’t so alone, i wish i had somebody to celebrate with, anybody who understands how amazing it is that i can still accomplish anything at all. i walked out of my exam and felt the isolation hit me like never before, like a bucket of ice water, like a tunnel with no end. i’m so lonely. i don’t know what to do.

i turned the corner and we locked eyes through a gridded window. there you sat, surrounded by friends that used to be mine, figures to fill that emptiness beside you. and i faced you from the other side of the glass for a split second, surrounded by no one, wishing we had any unsevered connection left to keep us there. we didn’t. we don’t. you looked away. so did i.

i walked away in one direction, and then in the other, and then realized i have nowhere left to go. just kept stumbling around. idiot. i walked till i found a bench, and i sat on it, and i'm still sitting here, waiting. waiting for something, anything. i don’t know. so many people walking past. the world moves on without me. what are you looking at? all these people. with places and a purpose. not me. i’m a statue on a bench.

i need to not be alone right now. i need to not be alone. but i keep pushing everyone away. there’s nobody left. the loneliness keeps swallowing me. i’m stuck in its throat.