i wish it worked the way it does in movies. i wish i could drop everything and announce that you’re the most important thing in the world to me and save the day. i wish i could say “i will love you forever” and mean it and be certain it’d be received willingly. i know it wouldn’t. i’d be mocked for unhealthy obsession and scolded for unwanted love and the world would fall apart all over again.

i think i mean it. i think i mean it when i say “i love you” and “i miss you.” i mean it when i say “i can’t do this without you,” but i don’t know if i want to anymore. i don’t want to be puppeteered by this parasitic dependency. i don’t want to keep categorizing my days by what they’re missing. i don’t want my life to be split into eras defined only by the people i lose. look at what’s right in front of you! this is still a beautiful time in your life, filled with beautiful people. people you still have, people who love you for certain. love the ones who never left you. remember to hold onto them this time.