2:52 am
oh my god i really do not want to be me
i cannot stop
i want to bleed out on the floor
i want to stop breathing and beating i want to not live anymore
i dont feel like getting tossed around by my own brain much longer i could just end the tossing prematurely
nothing gets better
they lied
nothing ever gets better
it doesn’t
help

3:01 am
should i shut off my emotions and become a shell of a human being again and completely detach my consciousness from my physical form permanently because i cannot put up with this anymore. it doesn’t get better and the tears never stop. stop crying you fucking baby. what? what is it this time huh? one bad work shift? mediocrity? suffering you bring upon yourself by actively making your life harder than it should be? stupid mistakes you make by refusing to just learn your important fucking life lessons and mature? grow up. fucking grow up.

3:04 am
i AM NOT ME. I AM ACTUALLY NOT ME. WHAT IS THIS FLESHY GOO PRISON THAT I INHAbit i cant handle things i nEE d TO ESCAPE MY SKIN I NEED TO PEEL MY skin offf and exit this sac of bones and muscles and tissues and blood and proteins and fucking amino acids that carries me around the earth i cannot take this i do not deserve to have organelles i deserve to be a fucking smudge on the ground