there’s a couple in the building across from me cuddling on their couch. feels weird witnessing such an intimate moment. this little slice of joy. a snapshot of a future memory, one from a different life. one day they might both think back upon this place, and this tiny couch in this tiny living room, and remember it with a smile. i hope they do.

i guess it puts it all into perspective for me, finally. it’s the kind of stuff those holistic pinterest mom quotes talk about. the true importance of really knowing what i have at each stage of my life, or loving moments for what they are instead of what they could be. cliche or not, i see that now. clearer than ever. i rush through loving feelings because i am hopeful for more, until they are gone forever. my own selfishness overshadows the goodness i already have. my quest for unconditional love leaves me blind to temporary bliss.

i miss perfect moments more than anything, these days. and perfect imperfection. i miss peaceful waters, simple words, easy connection. it’s hard to remind myself that it isn't too late for me. too late to fully realize the things i’ve lost because of my own greed. because sure, there will always be more beauty, and there will always be new people to breathe new life into me. but i see all the pieces i've lost laid out neatly in front of me and i cannot stop feeling incomplete.

hindsight is a useful tool but it cannot bring you back. it cannot glue you back together. you said you were in pieces. so was i. we are shards in a pile on the floor.