i don’t wanna focus on specifics anymore. i don’t wanna sit here endlessly pondering the infinite shapes that might eventually be carved into my future. to continue to wrap this thread of possibilities up on my pinkie finger, trying to hold on, to take control over whatever's left of my own free will. i don’t wanna keep chasing that undisclosed location and tripping over my laces and face planting into puddles of “what ifs” and regret. i want life to happen to me and i want to be okay with it. i want things to move without circumstance or influence. i want to not be bothered by the way things are but i am. i am constantly fighting it. the direction my life takes; i am battling the shove of the wind. how do i change course? how do i heal without the need to do so? do i go against the grain? do i push and get pushed back? do i trust the intentions of the universe, and let myself be consumed by the gaping mouth of the great unknown? i stand at the junction between now and forever and there is no going back. i have to move forward, one way or another.