my girlfriend had to kill her cat on the first day of october
she cries all the time and there’s nothing i can do to fix it
she was all i had
i told her i’ll see her soon
i want to tell her that this is where the loss finally ends
but what do i know about that?
everything will be okay,
won’t it?
but i can’t convince her of things i don’t believe
i can’t praise a battle i keep on losing
so we hug for hours instead
and hope it’ll all go away
i hold on so tight and i pray

my skin keeps raising every time i scratch it
my throat is so dry i can’t stop coughing
i walk around with my head tilted down
when i lift my eyes i let the trees stay unfocused
i don’t want to see this world that wants us dead
my brows stay knit
my mouth never moves
i sit in small patches of sun on my floor
i sleep so much and i’m tired of it
i’m shrinking so small i don’t even matter

i keep holding you tight
i don’t know what else to do
you panic so bad that it stops your breathing
i’m so scared that i can’t keep you safe
this world is so cruel but i’m stroking your hair
i’m gripping your face
you cry and i pull the eyelashes from your cheeks
i spend all these wishes on you.